All Posts Unedited, Honest, Rough Drafts...Starting with this, My First One

I decided to start a blog about loneliness. I don't want to be alone. I don't think I want to be alone...but I am alone because of choices I have made...but there are other causes too. My lack of social skills is a big reason. Another cause is the snap decision to write somebody off...which I later regret. I make these decisions when I am emotional. I later think about it and wonder, Was it really that bad? I miss that dude. I miss that lady. I shouldn't have been so mean to them. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was when I was in the moment. Too late. Maybe. Probably. Maybe I could reach back out to these people. They'll think I'm a flake. They would be right. I am flakey. I can't help it. Or can I... I try, I really do try, not to be so flakey.

I should mention the fact that I do enjoy my alone time....just not this much alone time.

This is going to be the worst blog post ever written, all over the place, but I'm sticking to my rule: Unedited, Honest, Rough Drafts. (I will allow myself a few backspaces and deletes here and there when I've made an obvious grammar or spelling error...but...NO GOING BACK AND EDITING AND REPOSTING).

I'm going to keep my posts short too! If I have a focused thought, I'll post it. I'll try to keep em focused. Anyway, back to the topic at hand: Loneliness

I have two friends...I guess. One is my neighbor...so he kind of has to be my friend. The other is a dude I met at a drum circle. I have only known these guys a year. I don't have anybody from my past who I am still really in touch with. I have written people off. People have written me off. I am recently divorced. I followed her up and down the east coast leaving behind friends and family and opportunities...but that's a subject for a whole different blog, a divorce blog. Maybe later. Maybe elsewhere. Maybe not. Divorce was probably the best option we had. She was my life though. She was my one and only friend for a while. I mean, there were other friends now and then...but...with her gone...the loneliness is especially acute.

I've never lived alone before. I always had roommates (some of whom were close friends! ...but not anymore). I've always had roommates or lived with family or lived with her. Now I'm pretty alone.

I'm going to hit 'PUBLISH POST' now...and I'm not going to edit after that. This seems important for some reason.